Einsamkeitwirklichkeit, Liebesszenetraum
EINS
I was sitting amongst the pigs and the troughs when I
Discovered that I subdued my id for too long.
I found myself lost in mental trance when my legs keep rushing me forward
To get to my next destination in safely and with security.
A word from the previous class sticks out in my mind… einsamkeit.
“Das ist ein Universal Gefühl,” sagt Frau Lehrerin.
It figures, my English oriented mind says with Juvenalian flavor.
Nihilism and black are the colors that we wear today.
Oh God, here it comes again…
It takes place at the Big Top Since they are in town again (it’s been so long) I saw you dancing away to Le Suite Chinoise Melodies imprinted in my brain resurrect to the surface. God, you look beautiful tonight…
Oh man, I lost it!
It’s back to the loud noises; back to the kindergarten mentality; back to childish behaviors
Mixed with administrative control, thriving to regrasp the Idea.
Polo shirts and khaki trousers are the new disguises of sodomizers and the perverts.
We make fools out of ourselves and we laugh in the midst of our shortsightedness and ignorance.
WILLKOMMEN ZU EINSAMKEITWIRKLICHKEIT… it is what the sign says…
ZWEI
Dreams can be the transports into insanity
Since the attributes that your peers notice about you decides
To be impatient and jumps on the next available train.
It drifts into another destination and now the structure becomes hollow
Walking endlessly.
Dreams descend upon me from angels one five
Blasting me into unrecognizable subsections, reducing me to the city.
The dance continues on, and you invite me to Go on stage with you. The technicians gave me Permission indirectly. You extend out your graceful Hands, so fine and delicate like an El Greco painting. I notice the correlation between your hands and those Wonderful lips. You noticed me noticing and a smile Appears on your face in acknowledgement and fascination. The distance diminishes, the intensity augments and The force bringing us closer becomes…
Although it was my decision, I am still in the cubicle.
DREI
It is the curse of dreams to put you back on the map.
To return to the status quo is to be imprisoned inside the ghetto
Separated according to sex and reduced to an animal.
I never really thought about the future.
I never considered who will accompany me on the evening of the spring sky.
All the extras have been indulged by others,
Leaving me with nothing…
I cry thinking about it.
The experience was amazing when I held your hand, You bringing yourself closer to me. The firm structure melts and absorbs into the floor. We are together, you and I, underneath a celestial Heaven, within the playground of imagination. We kissed very so tenderly and…
Class dismissed. It’s about time. My schedule is losing memory space.
VIER
The heavy rains make me insignificant by demoting me into the chemical puddles.
The crowds are in a commotion about the upcoming masquerade.
Unfortunately, in spite of distance, the feelings of loneliness catch up to meet me
While I make that square swing.
The power chords buzzes and echoes while a philosopher cries out an image. Naturally, I can see my own image painted in the monastery, illuminating the manuscript Spoken in something incomprehensible yet it is ever so clear.
God help me please. I hate to be alone on earth.
…before I could realize it, we became more closer With the touches becoming more caressing than exploring, Or the kisses speaking of everything happening at once. God, you looked so beautiful under the pseudo-celestial sky. God, it was beautiful with her looking into my eyes, (Comforting look I must say) Or when her hand touched my face and telling me that All is indeed well, in this place, and that I need not To feel lonely again.
Wishful thinking...
Date of First Draft: 7 March 2000 (Eins), 4 April 2000 (Zwei und Drei), 20 April 2000 (Vier)
Information: It was written during AP German (except for “Vier,” which was written at Pinehurst, NC).
Annotations: The first word is supposed to mean “the reality of loneliness” and the second word is “the love scene dream.”