An English Professor Realizes that One of His Smart Students is a Smart Ass
I
WEAR ALL BLACK AND WHO THINK
THAT THEY ARE “DEEP” AND PROFOUND
WHEN THEY SHOULD BE MODERATE
AND REASONABLE
You call this a thesis statement? I know you are among the brightest in the class but this statement kills the words of the essay before they are penned down. And don’t think I don’t know whom you are referring to either. By the way, when you write your paper, do not resort to 1) first person singular because it is bad form or 2) first person plural because that is cowardice. Intellectual camaraderie knows no hierarchy such as the one you are proposing (if you are indeed proposing anything). Unless you feel so inclined to pursue his major and activities, put your finger away and sit your ass down. And don’t even think about throwing that Frisbee when his back is turned. He is not as you say “moderate and reasonable.” In fact I think he’s more reasonable because he writes about other things as well (and when he writes about other things you end up caring about more, at least he’s more interesting) In fact, I think you really need to rewrite it entirely since the childish appearance does not compliment your inquisitive and analytical nature (unless you wish to be treated like a child, I’ll be more than happy to do so). Someone with your ability to reason, analyze and pontificate should not sink to the level of making presumptive statements delivered like a five-year old with little evidence and commentary to support it. This is college you radiodickhead. And this is definitely not that stupid high school courtyard to keep talking about either. You have potential to move forward but statements like this make me wonder… Why in the blue fuck are you here?
Date of First Draft: 11 May 2001
Original Commentary: This is more of an experimentation of finding other ways to say something angry without resorting to the same old tools. I could make the anger refined or raw but that can be extremely limiting. Besides I like to take anger and transform it into sardonic lyricism. This makes the anger scathing yet subtle, powerful yet controlled. It’s a kind of thinking man’s scream therapy. The result is an “English professor” not only making one of his student’s papers “bleed” but injecting the kind of straightforwardness that sometimes needs to be said to students who are “bright,” “intellectual” and so on (especially the kind that strongly believes that he is Holden Caulfield)